The Weeaboo Games
by AdmiralBobbery
Summary: A bunch of bratty teens who spend all of their time on the internet are ripped into the Hunger Games where they must kill one another until only one remains. There's a lot of crying and anime references.
1. It's Lillie not Lily

The Weeaboo Games

It was Reaping Day and everyone across the nation was sad.

Except for the masochists.

Anyway, District 1 was full of super hot people who were also very deadly. Their reaper lady person got up on the stage and reached her hand into the bowl, pulling out the boy's name.

"Bob Bobberson," she said.

"Woohoo!" Bob, who had trained his whole life for this moment, said. He was the coolest and toughest and hottest and smartest boy ever with lots of abs and lots of blonde hair.

Then the reaper lady pulled the next paper out.

"Blaze Blazington," she said.

Blaze shut her compact mirror and smiled.

"Perfect," Blaze said.

"Fml she's scary," said Bob.

In District 2, the land of the super tough anime hogs, the reaping was in full swing.

"Jason Phoenix," said the fat reaper man.

"I'm all fired up!" Jason roared.

Then he pulled out the next card.

"Drifty Drifterson," announced the reaper.

"No!11!" shouted Jason. "We're in luv!"

But Drift did not love him back.

In District 3, the land of the nerds, everyone was nerdy.

"Tip Vulpix," said the reaper lady.

Tip pushed up his glasses and did some derivatives on his way up to the stage.

"And Courtney Holly Hawkington."

"Noooo!" shouted Courtney, crying. "I'm too scared!"

Her dog Lily barked in sadness.

Courtney was ripped away from her Hetalia plushies.

In District 4, also known as Sibling Town, two siblings were reaped.

"But we're both boys," said Sam.

"This makes no sense," said Jacob.

And so it was.

In District 5, the land of K-Pop Magic, two best friends were reaped together and they were super pumped about it and did not fully understand the ramifications of this.

"Omg this is the best," said Will.

"Heckin' right," said Amy. "Like, we're gonna have so much on this vacation we just won."

In District 6, the land of Vocaloid…

"Vinny," said the reaper lady.

"Cool," said Vinny.

"And some guy named Henderson."

Henderson brandished his sword and struck a cool pose.

The other six districts are irrelevant.

Everyone got on the train and nyoomed off towards the Weeaboo Games.


	2. Hecka Times on the Hella Train

The Weeaboo Games

Chapter 2: Hecka Times on the Hella Train

"We're going to get like, mani-pedis and like, eat shrimp," Amy said, painting her tonenails.

"No," said Will.

Jacob and Sam were broing it up while Tip did more derivatives.

"What ya doing?" Courtney Holly Hawkington asked.

"Maff," said Tip.

"What?"

"I luv maff."

"Fuckin gross," said Courtney Holly Hawkington. She then went to talk to Bob.

"Ew. You're into like Hetalia. I saw those plushies."

"My dog's name is spelt Lillie, not Lily," she said.

"Bye," said Bob, who went to sit with Blaze.

Blaze hissed at him.

"I am from District Seven but I'm still relevant," announced Irondil the Great.

"Who the fuck are you?" Jason asked.

"Who the fuck are you?" Irondil shot back.

"I asked you first."

"I asked you second."

"Look bitch," Jason said, "I didn't watch all 366 episodes of Bleach to be sassed by a dunmer like you."

Irondil spat on Jason.

Henderson struck a cool pose.

Vinny put in his earbuds and sighed, jamming to Kagepro or some weeaboo music.

"Hatsune Miku yeah," said Vinny.

"These guys are like, super boring," Amy said. "Let's like, liven this place up."

She threw a chair at the wall.

"Party~" said Will

"This is so scary, I'm so scared," Drift said, clutching her Bible.

"What's that?" asked Will.

"This?" asked Drift.

"Yeah," he said, "that book."

"How…how do you not know what a bible is…?"

"Dude, pal, buddy," said Jacob, "this is bad. I can't do this, man…I have yellow energy. I'm too peaceful."

"I'll fuckin kill 'em all," said Sam.

"I'm so hot," said Bob, having stolen Blaze's mirror.

"Did u take meh mirror?" Blaze asked.

"Fml," said Bob.

"Hey Drift, will u marry me?" Jason asked.

"No," she said. "I live in Nebraska."

"Gross," said Will.

The train stopped.

It was time for training.


	3. PUH-RAISE THE LAWD!

The Weeaboo Games

 **Now in HD for 9.99/mo**

It was traning day in the capitol

"Woohoo let's go" Jason said, eager to kill some kids.

"Oh god I'm so cared,' said Courtney Holly Hawkington. "I think I have a hernia."

Then Lord Irondil picked up a heavy dumbbell and showed off his muscles.

"Dude," Brad said, flipping his perfect hair like a cis freaking emo boy. "He's so full of himself."

"No," Blaze pointed out, "you are."

"Ooh, burn," said Will, laughing as he drank some of Courtney's pepto bismol.

"Delicious."

Meanwhile, Drift was reading some scripture and singing some hymns in the corner.

"PUH-RAISE THE LAWD" Jacob yelled, vibin and jiving and cutting a rug with ol' Drift.

"Let's talk about physics," Tip said, pushing up his glasses.

"I need to adjust my pens," Sam said.

Vinny played a flute.

"We've got to keep going!" Amy told Will, as they were climbing up a rock wall. They were super sweaty and tired, but hadn't even made it a foot.

"Wow," Jason laughed. "Y'all suck."

"OHMIGOD EXCUSE I WILL CUT UR FUKIN EYEBROWS OFF" Amy screamed, and Will had to drag her away.

"What's all the hubbub?" Jacob and Drift asked, coming back from their revival.

"We're gonna lift some dumbbells," Brad told Courtney.

"What!? But I don't know you!" Courtney protested.

"Gimme a kiss, sugar," Brad said in reply.

Courtney hit him with a tennis racquet she always kept on hand.

"Dang girl, you loco cray cray," noted Will.

"She's from nerd land," Sam told him, "it's like that there."

Then it was time for supper. Drift took forever to eat, so Jacob took the time to ask for her hand in marriage.

"No," she said sternly, hitting him with a Bible.

"It's tea time," said Amy and she and Will and Jacob and Sam blessed the Queen.

Vinny retired his flute, opting for a nice PB&J.

"Desu desu kawaii," he said, three times, to himself.

"Man," Irondil said, "I would if anyone will rudely interrupt like I did."

Blaze laughed ironically. "That'd be near impossible."

"Sup guys," Don said, striding into the room.

"What the fuck?" Tip asked. "How'd you get in here!?"

"Sam let me in."

Everyone looked at Sam.

"It's okay," Drift said, and she exorcised Don away.

"It's time for us to kill each other," Brad announced.

Then they all went to their elevators and put their arms up like Gohan and flew up into the arena, ready to kill.


	4. AAAAAAAA

The Weeaboo Games

 **Birthday Edition**

The sun beat down on the twenty-four combatants in this year's Weeaboo Games as they all stood on their podiums, the grand festivity of blood and despair ready to begin.

"10" came the synthetic voice of the countdown.

"Wat the hecka is that," Will said, scared by the loud sound.

"It's the countdown, idiot," Amy said, standing next to him.

"UWAAAH IM SO SCARED" cried a rando, and she stepped off her podium and the mines at her feet exploded and she blew up into a million chunks of flesh.

"WHAT THE HECK!?" Courtney shouted, wide-eyed and trembling after having seen the girl blow up.

A piece of her flesh landed on Sam's cheek.

"Um…gross," he said, brushing it off.

Everyone had been too busy watching the girl blow up that they hadn't realized the timer was finished.

"Oh," Bob said. "I guess…we go now?"

His words acted as a cue for everyone as they made a mad dash either towards the Cornucopia, or away from it.

"The night is my ally," Vinny whispered, waving an arm over himself and disappearing into the nether.

"AAAAAAAAA what do I do what do I do what do I do," Courtney breathed rapidly, deciding it would be in her best interested to run for the treeline and escape. As she ran for the forest, Irondil the Great began his great plundering of the Cornucopia.

"Hohoho!" the dunmer roared. "I shall have quite the campaign with this!" He seized a great axe from the ground and hefted it upon his shoulder. With quick, murderous strikes, he cleaved some randoms in half.

"Um, we should probably get away from him," Jacob said to Sam.

"Wait," the other brother noted. "I found a weapon."

It was a plushie of a tiny lamb.

"That's not a weapon, Sam."

Meanwhile, Bob was desperately searching for a mirror amid the wealth of the Cornucopia. He saw a random grab a small, golden disc, and thinking it was a mirror, Bob quickly shoved a lance through the boy's neck.

"I NEED TO CHECK MY HAIR KTHANXBAI"

As Bob murdered innocent youth in the name of vanity, Jason and Blaze were leaning up against the trees.

"So like, we could just wait this out," Jason said.

"No thanks," Blaze said. "I'm gonna go get a burger."

"There aren't any burgers here…" Jason said.

Blaze gave him a look that silenced the battlefield, hard enough to chop the nearby trees in half. In a voice so calm it made Jason's hairs on his neck stand up, Blaze said, "Then I'll make one."

As the bloodbath raged on and Irondil and Bob kept killing kids for their respective wants, Lexi walked amid the grassy plain with her eyes closed.

"The Lord is my shepherd," she muttered, "I shall not want."

An arrow streaked through the air, narrowly missing her face.

"Shit shit shit shit shit shit," Jason said, running from Blaze, scooping up Lexi in one arm, and sprinting for the tree line.

"Put me down, naysayer," she commanded.

"But I'm trying to save your life!"

"My life has already been saved by the eternal glory of His…" but before she could finish her sentence, another arrow narrowly missed them.

"Could you like, pipe down about the splendor of Jesus Christ for one second and just hide with me?" Jason asked her.

"HIS LOVE SHALL NEVER BE SILEN…"

"Eat my ass, bitches!" Will shouted, firing another arrow at Jason and Lexi.

"On second thought," Lexi said, "we should probably leave."

And so they did.

Irondil had killed a majority of the randoms by now, but he didn't know someone was hiding in the Cornucopia.

"Hehehehe…" Tip chuckled, pushing up his glasses from his hiding spot within the Cornucoia. "Hehehehe…"

Bob noticed a random making off with a cool-looking fur-lined survival jacket so he knifed them in the back and swiped the fashionable garb.

"That look didn't even work on you," he said, putting on the coat. "It ruined your skin toning."

"This is a hecka whole lotta forest," Jacob said to his brother as they left the bloodbath.

"We could find a cave and make camp?" Sam offered.

"Or we could eat those flowers," Jacob pointed to a nearby batch of pink flowers.

"Well those look poi…" but before Sam could finish, Jacob had already swallowed a handful.

"I think you might die soon," Sam said.

But little did they know, the flowers were not poisonous, but a highly advanced psychedelic drug.

"Look Will!" Amy said, holding up a random's head. "I got one!"

"Wooo!" Will said, high-fiving Amy. "This is so much fun. We're gonna SLAY ALL DAY HENNY."

"Ugh," Amy said, sitting down on the corpse. "I'm so hungry. Do you think there's any weird British food in that cornucopia thing?"

"I don't know," Will said, "do I look like Gordon fucking Ramsey. Go check for yourself."

"Fine."

"Fine."

Amy got up and went to inspect the Cornucopia, where she found Tip laughing to himself.

"What's so funny?" Amy asked, slightly creeped out.

"I have found the perfect hiding spot, where no one will find me," Tip told her.

"But…I just found you."

An exclamation mark appeared over Tip's head.

"AAAAA! AAAA! AAAA!" Courtney kept screaming and running and running and screaming until she tripped and fell into a river and got swept downstream where she inhaled a fish by accident and coughed it up on the bank when she finally washed up like a mile away from the bloodbath.

Irondil had finally had his share of killing when he looked up and saw Henderson brandishing a blade.

"Show your moves!" Henderson declared.

"You have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people," Irondil shot back. "What say you in your defense?"

"Smokescreen!" Henderson cried, and the bloodbath was bathed in white smoke, and when it cleared, Henderson was gone.

"Hmph," Irondil said, shouldering his axe. "Another day…sword-wielding vagabond."

"And then like, there was this totally creepy guy in the Cornucopia laughing to himself about how smart he is," Amy told Will.

"Come on, slut," Will said. "Let's go cuddle in a tree."

"Radical," Amy said, following Will.

Deep in the forest, Blaze continued her quest for hamburger meat as Jason finally set Lexi down on a rock.

"You almost died! Like…THREE TIMES!" Jason shouted.

"Not so loud," Lexi said, holding up a patient hand. "The others might here us."

But before Jason could retort, a bunch of cannon sounds went off in the distance. Eleven.

"Looks like the bloodbath is over," Lexi said. "Let us make camp for the evening."

"Us?" Jason asked.

"I imagine you will not leave me alone, in fear for my safety," Lexi said.

"O-of course not!" Jason cried. "Let me make camp…yeah!"

But as Jason made camp, Lexi smiled in against the backdrop of the setting sun.

"Yes…" she said, her eyes sweeping the length of the forest, "Yes…this is all going according to plan…"

 **Alive: Bob (D1), Blaze (D1), Jason (D2), Lexi (D2), Tip (D3), Courtney (D3), Jacob (D4), Sam (D4), Will (D5), Amy (D5), Vinny (D6), Henderson (D6), Irondil the Great (D7)**


	5. Death by Marshmallow

The Weeaboo Games

 **Brought To You By CoverGirl**

"Jesus fuck what the shit kind of ass was that," Courtney said to herself as she washed up on the banks of some dumb river. She stood up, breathing hard, hoping no one would hear her lack of prior cardio experience.

"Omg," she said, noticing a cave. "Maybe there's like, Hetalia merch in there."

And so she went inside.

As the first night of the games came to an end, Jason awoke to find Lexi completely gone from camp.

"H-huh?" he asked no one, looking around. "W-where'd she go!? Crap! I've gotta find her!" So he got up and ran off into the woods sprinting as fast as he could away from camp. But once he left, Lexi reemerged from the trees.

"I got some berries," she said. "Huh…where'd he go?" Shrugging, she popped a berry into her mouth, thinking Jason might come back sometime later.

Sitting on a cloud, Vinny plugged in the earphones for the iPod shuffle he had found in the Cornucopia and jammed to some groovy tunes.

In another part of the woods, Jacob was beginning to feel the effects of the drug flower he ate.

"Whoa…" he said, touching Sam's face. "Whoa…"

"Jacob, stop," Sam said sternly, swatting his brother's hand away.

"But your face…" Jacob said. "It's so…stretchy." He tried to grab Sam's face again, but Sam swatted it away once more.

"Jacob," he said. "We need to get you some water. Or like, a sedative."

"Fine," Jacob snapped. "If I can't stretch your face, I'll stretch my own!"

"N-no! Don't do that!" Sam cried, but Jacob was already tugging at his cheeks, hoping they would mold to his desire like play-dough.

Deep in the woods, Blaze continued her hunt for a cow. Seeing something black and white in the distance, she looked up to the sky.

"Uhm, we've got sponsors, right?" she asked. "So like, could my sponsor send me a knife. Or maybe an axe. Or a gun would be cool. Actually, a gun would be REALLY cool."

Then came the beeping sound of a package floating down from the sky. Blaze snatched it out of the air and opened its contents, finding inside…a blow dart gun that only shot marshmallows, along with a bag of the required marshmallows.

"Uhm…thanks?"

Taking aim, she put the marshmallow into the blowgun and fired at the cow-like object in the distance.

"AAA!"

"Oh sweet, I got it," Blaze said. "Wait. Cows don't sound like that."

She ran ahead, inspecting the scene. Amy was writhing on the ground, in a cow-themed pajama suit, screaming for mercy.

"Where'd you get that suit?" Blaze asked. "You weren't wearing that earlier."

"My sponsor…" Amy weeped, "they wanted me to look hecka cute."

At this moment, Will emerged from the woods, holding a basket of muffins.

"Amy, you like, totally won't believe it, but I found a muffin tree in the other side of the…HOLY FUCK!" He dropped the muffins and rushed to Amy's side.

"Well, shouldn't let those go to waste," Blaze said, diving for the muffins. Will grabbed Amy and held her dying body in his arms.

"Amy…please, we were having a hecka good time," he said, crying softly. "What happened?"

"She shot me…" Amy said, her breathing shallowing. "With a marshmallow."

Will whipped on Blaze. "You fucking cis piece of scum!" he shouted. "She's allergic to marshmallows!"

"Hey," Blaze said, munching on a muffin. "That's not a common allergy."

"NOW SHE'S GONNA DIE!"

"I honestly think she'll be totally fine."

The sound of a cannon shot went off in the distance. Both Will and Blaze looked back to Amy…she was dead.

"Totally didn't see that coming," Blaze said. "Well, I'm gonna take these muffins and get the heck out of here."

She turned to leave, clutching the muffins for dear life as she ran from Will, who after looting the fashionable cow suit from Amy's corpse, chased Blaze with all the murderous intent he could muster.

"Hohoho!" Irondil the Great sang, biting into an apple he had found. "What a marvelous day for a hunt! I can't wait to scalp more children!"

He sallied forth, swinging his axe merrily, singing songs of battle as he walked. "A feast for crows I shall make of this land! Let the rivers run red with…"

And then he stepped in a bear trap.

"SWEET MOTHER THERESA ON THE HOOD OF A MERCEDES BENZ!" he screamed, instantly dropping and clutching his foot in harrowing pain.

"Haha!" Tip cried, emerging from the wood, shrouded in a lab coat. "Science!"

"What the hell?" Irondil asked. "This has nothing to do with science!"

"Silence, knave," Tip spat. "Your muscles and glad-hearted songs of battle stand no chance to the designs of modern physics!"

"Again," Irondil emphasized. "This has nothing to do with science. It's a bear trap."

"SILENCE!" Tip screamed. "I WILL NOT HAVE YOU SULLY THE NAME OF MY TRADE! DIE! WORM!"

He took some bleach out of a vial and dumped it in Irondil's eyes.

"AAAHHHH! SWEET sSHIHTI holy ASSFUCK"

"Hmm. The label said death would be immediate."

"IF CONSUMED YOU FUCKING TITLICKER"

"Oh. Well, yes. This was a foresight on my part. Farewell, strange dark elf."

"YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE!"

"Oh, this is fine," Tip said, waving a hand. "You are…how did you put it? A feast for crows?" With a laugh, Tip disappeared into the woods, leaving Irondil the Great on death's doorstep.

As everyone else did whatever they were doing, Bob found his way to Courtney's cave.

"I'm super tired," Bob said. "I've walked like a hundred feet already. Time for a well-deserved nap."

"Not so fast, amigo."

He turned, seeing Henderson, the shadowy swordsman holding his rapier high.

Bob sighed.

"Fuck."

 **Alive: Bob (D1), Blaze (D1), Jason (D2), Lexi (D2), Tip (D3), Courtney (D3), Jacob (D4), Sam (D4), Will (D5), Vinny (D6), Henderson (D6), Irondil the Great (D7)**


End file.
